free katie!

Well, I don't normally do celebrity gossip (here's a bone for Bowen), but when Katie Holmes is going to marry into some weird cult, something has to be done about it. As far as I can tell, there are a few possible reasons that this shit is happening, but the totality of what is happening is likely to remain beyond our understanding.

Possibility 1: Tom Cruise is gay, and Katie Holmes is the prop.

Possibility 2: Katie Holmes is a failed actress who needs the publicity boost.

Possibility 3: Tom Cruise is going to turn Katie into Patty Hearst.

Possibility 4: Katie actually buys Scientology. No, this is too scary to believe.

Regardless of anything relating to Katie Holmes, his association with Scientology has made it impossible for me to enjoy anything that has to do with Tom Cruise anymore. If you're not all that familiar with Scientology, know I am not making this up:

"Those that reach the higher teachings (OT III) within the Church of Scientology will learn all about Xenu, the evil intergalactic ruler who implanted "thetans" or alien spirits, in earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago, after which they escaped and invaded human bodies. The ultimate belief of Scientology is that you are possessed by the spirits of aliens murdered 75 million years ago by "Xenu" and you have to exorcise these spirits."

Get it people? Tom Cruise has gone completely insane. How am I supposed to watch and like "War of the Worlds" a movie about aliens which stars a guy who thinks we are all infested with alien spirits? This could be the end of the world.